He’s not your “furbaby”. He’s your friend.

He’s your buddy and he wants to hang out with you. Why not treat him like it?

Your dog is not your baby, or your “furbaby”, or a dress-up doll, or a social prop, or a member of your “pack”.  He’s none of those things.

He is your friend.  And if you simply appreciate that fact, he’ll be your best friend.  He doesn’t expect you to act like a dog or a parent.  And, although you might lose sight of this, he is perfectly aware that you are not a dog and that he is not a human.  He just doesn’t care about little things like that. He just wants to hang out with you, have some fun, and be part of your life.  So, please just treat him like your best buddy.   If you haven’t been, you’re missing out.

We take responsibility for our friends.  I mean real friends, people we care about.  We look out for them and try to keep them from being harmed or hurting themselves.  We keep track of their emotional state and make sure that they’re OK.  We share our belongings with them and make sure that they have what they need.

We have adventures with our friends.  We go places and have new experiences with them.  If we have a friend that enjoys doing something that isn’t really our cup of tea, we generally go along with him because he wants to share it with us.   And it usually turns out to be a good time.  On the other hand, we don’t make our friends do things that frighten them or that they don’t enjoy.  We want them to be happy.  The bottom line is that your dog is a friend from another country.  You can learn each other’s language, and each other’s likes, dislikes, favorite things, and things to avoid.

And when our friends are being inappropriate, behaving badly or are just embarrassing in public, we show them what they should be doing and how they should be acting.  When they’re occasionally annoying, we show them how not to be.  Because that’s what friends do for each other.

Your dog is your friend.  But he is a friend who is isolated and whose activities are limited to the things that you do with him.  He only leaves the house when you are with him.  You control his exercise, his mental activity, and his simple playtime.  You are his only source of comfort, closeness and emotional connection.   Why not give him the simple respect of treating him like that?

If you get a dog as a puppy, even though he is small and adorable he is still your friend.  He knows that you are not his mother or a littermate.  If you chose the dog wisely, he has been socialized with other dogs and humans to some extent, but it’s up to you to teach him the skills that he needs to function in the human world that we inhabit.  You can do this just by engaging in the classes and activities that will give him the skills that he needs and help you to understand him.  These puppy classes and training sessions will help you to communicate with your buddy and guide him as he makes mistakes and awkwardly bumps his way to adulthood.

If you bring a dog home from a shelter, it’s like making friends with the new kid at school.  You don’t know much about his background or what he’s learned and experienced, and its up to you to show him around and teach him how things work where you live.  He will be unsure of himself and may even act out a little, but that’s expected.  It will be a while before he knows “the rules” but you can help him along with it and involving him in the things that you enjoy.  ( Keeping your dog out of trouble when meeting people | The Animal Nerd   )  Pretty soon, he’ll be reciprocating.

If you got a dog, it’s probably because you wanted a friend.  You may have felt lonely or isolated, particularly during the last couple of years and you wanted a close companion.  Now that you have him, don’t deprive yourself of that friendship.   Treat him like the best friend that you wanted to have all along.

Keeping your dog out of trouble when meeting people

“He just came at me, with no warning!”, “All of a sudden, he just lunged at the other dog!”, “One minute, he was fine; and the next minute he was attacking!”   Whenever I hear statements like this, my response is usually “No, probably not.  He was probably giving off plenty of signs that he was scared or stressed, and he wanted to get away from whatever was bothering him.  You either didn’t see those them or didn’t understand them.”

In an earlier post, I addressed the topic of dogs being overly reactive to each other Dog-to-Dog Reactivity | The Animal Nerd.  But what about dogs reacting to people?

Most so-called dog aggression problems are completely avoidable.   They want to avoid conflict with people or other dogs, and they want to avoid frightening situations.  But we often do not give them the ability to do so, or we inadvertently prevent them from getting away from the thing that’s bothering them.  The entirely predictable result is that the dog gets even more stressed and is pushed over his behavioral threshold, resulting in him being labeled “aggressive”.

There is a simple, common-sense way to prevent any injury, drama or fallout from your dog becoming overly stressed and acting out:  Be aware of what signals your dog is broadcasting, and remove him from the situation that is stressing him out.

The fact is that dogs are communicating all the time.  They are a pretty darned intelligent species with sophisticated non-verbal communications abilities.  Not being handicapped by a spoken language, they are constantly communicating with us, with other dogs and with the world in general.  They fill every waking moment with indications of two things:  How they are feeling and what they plan to do in the next few minutes.   And make no mistake, they understand and react to the non-verbal messages that we are constantly broadcasting.  They’ve been living with us for over 20,000 years and they read our facial expressions, posture, gait and our other unspoken signals like a book.

Your relationship with your dog is unlike the ones you have with your human friends and family.  You control where he goes, what he encounters and limit his options for what to do in the situations in which you place him.   Since you control everywhere he goes, it becomes your responsibility to learn canine body language, particularly your own dog’s non-verbals, so you can avoid putting him in danger or in highly stressful situations from which he cannot escape.

When your dog meets a new person, it is up to you to control the situation.  This means that you are responsible for watching your pup and making sure that he is not anxious or overly excited:

Is his tail held at a neutral height, relaxed and wagging?  Or is it lowered or tucked, indicating anxiety?  Is your dog holding it stiffly with a slight wag?  That can mean stress or a warning to other dogs to stay away.  What are his ears doing?  Are they relaxed and held closely to his head? Are they held tightly back, indicated fear?  Are they held alertly in a forward position?  What about his back?  Is it held stiffly or even slightly rounded?  Or is it relaxed?  Is he turn his head away from that person, indicating that he wants to avoid contact?   Several illustrated examples of stressed or relaxed behavior can be found here:  Dog Body Language.pdf (lmu.edu).

And what is the other person doing?  Is he or she approaching you dog head on, locking eyes with him?  Is he or she bending over your dog in a threatening posture?  It is up to you to watch your dogs’ responses to that person’s actions and determine if your dog is becoming alarmed or anxious.  Remember, whether the other person knows it or not, he and your dog are having a body language conversation and your dog is responding to everything he does.  For example, I recently worked with a shelter dog who was extremely wary of new people.  It took me a little while to accept me and to be relaxed and comfortable with me on or off leash, and we became friends easily.  The next day, I saw her react to the presence of a particular volunteer (a large, bearded man), during which she engaged in distancing behaviors, growling and barking.  I had him change his approach to her:  Instead of approaching her head-on and looking directly at her, I had him walk towards her at an angle without making eye contact then stand facing 90 degrees away from her.  She immediately relaxed, slowly approached him and accepted treats from him.  Following that meeting, he was able to leash her up and take her for walks without any drama.

The bottom line is that it is up to you to know how your dog displays stress, anxiety or happiness before you put him in situations were he can potentially get in trouble.   You need to understand that he is constantly telling you what his emotional state is and take that into account when you are taking him places or putting him in contact with other people.  You need to understand when he’s telling you that he wants to approach or avoid something or someone.  When you with your dog and other people are involved, look at him from time to time and ask yourself “If it were up to him, what would he do right now?  Stay?  Leave?”  Because that is exactly what he is saying to you.

There are several very good sources that can help you get a better understanding of your dog’s body language:

Rugaas, T. (2005).  On Talking Terms With Dogs:  Calming Signals 2nd Ed .  Direct Book Service.

Abrantes, R. (1997).  Dog Language.  Wenatchee, WA.  Dogwise.

Aloff, B. (2005).  Canine Body Language:  A Photographic Guide.  Wenatchee, WA.  Dogwise.

Handelman, B. (2008).  Canine Behavior, A Phot Illustrated Handbook.  Wenatchee, WA.  Dogwise.

House training your new dog.  Part one:  Adult dogs

When you bring your new dog home, you can be certain of one thing:  There will be messes in your home.   Your home is a new environment for him and he doesn’t know the rules.  So, he will probably mark places that have interesting odors and he may relieve himself in places that look appropriate to him.  He will also be stressed and somewhat anxious, which may cause him to pee.   This is very common and is a normal part of dog adoption.

If you are lucky, you a bringing home a dog that has had house training to some extent.  If so, all that is necessary for you to do will be to show him the approved outdoor areas for him to relieve himself.  But, in all cases, the best thing for you to do is to assume that he is completely untrained and implement training from scratch.  Don’t assume that your new pet will understand your home and routine from day one.  If he’s from a shelter he is coming from a place where it was perfectly okay to relieve himself in his run.  And in any case, helping him with this one skill will help him to quickly adjust to living with you and will begin to establish your relationship with him.

Here’s how to get your new dog off to a good start.  We’re going to begin by assuming that you do not have any other dogs in the house.  We’re also going to assume that your new dog is an adult and not a puppy.

First, start him off right.  When you take him home for the first time, do not bring him indoors immediately.  Take him for a walk around your property and around your neighborhood and give him a lot of positive reinforcement when he relieves himself.  Praise and pets all around.

Second, you can use a crate to help with feeding.  Feed him in the crate with the door closed and keep him inside for a few minutes after he eats.  Once he’s done, take him outside to an area that you want him to use and stay with him until he relieves himself.  Again, give him a lot of praise when he does it.   FYI:  I strongly recommend feeding your dog twice daily on a set schedule, and that you pick up the bowl with any uneaten food after 20 minutes.  Free feeding your dog will make it difficult for you to establish a schedule with him.

Third, a dog does not want to pee or poop in the places that he eats or sleeps.  You can take advantage of this by limiting the area that he is allowed to have access to in the house.  Start with a crate, and gradually expand his living space with pens or baby gates, giving him more room and access as his training firms up.  It might be helpful to keep him on leash indoors at first.

Fourth, take him on walks and establish a routine for doing so.  Extended exercise and walking has the natural effect of encouraging bowel movements, and exposing him to outdoor spaces will encourage him to pee in interesting places.  As always, praise him and give him positive reinforcement whenever he relieves himself outdoors.

Fifth, when he has accidents in the house, do not – repeat not – punish him.  Don’t react to them at all if you can avoid it.  Simply clean the up pee or poop immediately and take steps to remove any residual scent.  There are two products on the market that are very good scent removers:  Resolve™ and Nature’s Miracle™ (I don’t endorse commercial products, but these both work).  Removing the scent is critical, as he will tend to reuse areas.

Lastly, as he learns that he needs to go outside, he will develop behaviors that will let you know when he needs to go.  Learn his body language so you can tell when he’s feeling the need to go, and to understand when he’s telling you that you need to take him outside.

The key thing to remember is that you are teaching him to relieve himself in places that you want him to use.  He wants to have go-to places and he wants to have a routine; its up to you to tell him what they are going to be.

If you are adding your dog to a family that has an existing, house-trained, dog then your job gets a little easier.  And a little more complicated.  I strongly recommend that you put the existing dog through a refresher course while you’re training the new dog.  There is a good possibility that the presence of the new dog might cause your current one to regress in this area.

For one thing, the new dog will be leaving new scents throughout your house.  Your current dog may feel a need to mark areas where he detects them.   This is normal dog behavior and shouldn’t come as a surprise.  You can also take advantage of this by having them go in your yard or on walks together, because the new dog will tend to use areas where your existing pup as left his own scent markers.  By praising the new dog when he does this, you are reinforcing a completely natural behavior.  By training them together, you are not only establishing a routine for your new dog, but you are also socializing them with each other.  Start this at step one (above), by having both dogs go on the initial walk around your neighborhood and property when you first bring the new one home.  This gives the new guy a good start and provides a way to introduce the dogs on neutral territory.

Also, if there is an existing dog in the house, this increases the need to establish a feeding schedule and walking/potty schedule.   If you leave full dog bowls around the place so that they can just eat when they’re hungry, you are making it difficult to determine which dog is eating most of the food.  And you are also increasing the likelihood of conflict between them as they guard their food bowls.  Feed the new dog in his crate at first, and take them both outside for after meal walks.  After all, you’re going to be picking up twice the poop now, you’ll appreciate having it on a schedule.

For some tips on how you should dispose of that dog waste, please visit Disposing of dog poo in a safe and eco-friendly manner | The Animal Nerd.

Additional reading:

Carson, L. L.  (2015).  Housetraining 101.  In Horwitz, D., Ciribassi, J. and Dale S. Decoding Your Dog. (pp 76 – 82).  Boston, MA.  Mariner

Hoffman, H. (June 30, 2020).  How to Potty Train a Puppy or Adult Dog.  PetMed.  Retrieved from How to Potty Train a Dog: Potty Training Tips for Puppies and Adult Dogs | PetMD

Miller, P.  (2008).  The Power of Positive Dog Training, 2nd Ed.  Hoboken, NJ.  Wiley.

Naito, K.  (2018), BKLN Manners.  Mount Joy, PA.  Fox Chapel